


Different.

by GameandWolf



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Amnesia, Brain Damage, M/M, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-07
Updated: 2012-04-16
Packaged: 2017-11-03 05:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/377560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GameandWolf/pseuds/GameandWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He isn't the same anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It takes him weeks of manipulating the system to get it all done; Jim taught him how to do proper forgery but he doesn’t have the skill to pull it off as fast as his boss was able to. By the time he gets everything sorted, Jim is already in psychiatric care, physically whole if healing, and mentally somewhere completely different.  
  
The doctor explains that the damage to his brain isn’t from a bullet. He fired a blank into his mouth and apparently didn’t account for the shockwave that fractured his skull and rattled his brain. The doctor puts it into more technical terms but Sebastian doesn’t care about the fancy words; he just wants to see that Jim is okay.  
  
He doesn’t recognize Sebastian at all and looks uncharacteristically frightened when he enters the room Jim’s been staying in. He visibly flinches when Sebastian comes closer and he glances nervously to the nurse.  
  
“He does this with everyone,” she says quietly, “Mr. Brook, everything is alright. Mr. Moran is here to take you home.” Her voice is soothing and Jim’s tense state lessens, but only fractionally. Sebastian approaches him slowly, like he’s a wild animal that might either bolt or attack if startled. He lowers himself to his knees next to Jim’s chair.  
  
“Do you remember who I am?”  
  
He stares back and it makes Sebastian’s stomach twist because it doesn’t look like _Jim_. Those big brown eyes that are usually sharp and calculating, scraping over him and taking in every detail are trained on his face, but they’re wide and fearful and absolutely lost. He gives a very small shake of his head. No, he doesn’t remember.  
  
“Do you know what your name is?”  
  
His opens his mouth and closes it again. Jim sighs quietly, frustrated, and tries again. “Richard.” His voice is dry and cracked; he hasn’t been speaking much. “They told me. My name is Richard Brook.”  
  
[*]  
  
He lets Jim keep the new name, if only because everything about the man is the exact opposite of the Jim he knows. Jim is solid and dominating, dark and angry, a powerful force inside of a small body, while Richard is sweet, wide-eyed and curious, utterly lost and dependent on Sebastian. He knows things but he doesn’t know _things_. He can dress himself and tie his shoes and handle basic needs most of the time. He can work Sebastian’s laptop easily and he can brew a cup of tea as long as he isn’t interrupted. Half the things he remembers how to do are muscle memory and he loses the ability to do them if he tries to think too hard about it. The other half are random, nearly useless things that cling to his mind like spider webs and won’t let go.  
  
One night, when Sebastian gets out of the shower, he panics when he can’t find Richard on the sofa where he left the man watching old episodes of QI. He grabs his coat and runs out the door of the flat, only to find Richard standing in the street outside, staring up at the sky.  
  
“Andromeda.” He says, and points to a group of stars. “And Cassiopeia, Cephus, and Cygnus.” His finger moves slightly, pointing to each constellation as he names it, but Sebastian can’t follow. He can’t see the shapes in the stars at all.  
  
He stands silently next to Richard while he points out more constellations, naming more than Sebastian has ever heard of, saying the name of each factually and without hesitation.  
  
When he finally stops and pulls his hand back to his side, Sebastian asks him, “How do you know those?”  
  
Richard shakes his head and sniffs quietly, speaking in that little lost voice that irritates the hell out of him, “I don’t know. They’re just in my head. I can’t make them go away.” He’d seen Jim staring at the stars before during nighttime excursions and he’d often wondered what Jim was looking for. He never would have suspected that Jim might be naming the stars.  
  
He takes Richard by the wrist and gently tugs him back inside.  
  
Sebastian tests the other things that Richard remembers. He can still do calculus problems in his head, though they take Sebastian several minutes of fooling around with a calculator to work out, and he can still pick a lock when he’s given the right tools. But he can’t remember how to properly tie his necktie and his fingers can’t seem to find the correct keys when a mobile is in his hand.  
  
There are some days when Sebastian reminds Richard that he needs to get dressed and finds him an hour later, sitting on the floor of his room wearing denims and an unbuttoned shirt, still trying to get the first button through the hole. Sebastian takes pity on him and does them for him while Richard leans against his shoulder, fighting back tears of frustration and repeating over and over, “I can’t do them. They’re easy and I can’t work them out. I can’t do it, I _can’t_. Why can’t I, Sebastian?” and it breaks Sebastian’s heart. Jim is gone completely but it’s still the same razor sharp mind in there, trapped under the chains of damage and unable to fully function. The worst part is that Richard _knows_ how smart he is, knows that he should be able to do this. Sebastian thinks it would be so much easier if Richard just thought that he’d always been like this and that it was something to get used to all over again.  
  
[*]  
  
The days that are the hardest are the days when Richard blanks out entirely. His jaw will go slack and his eyes will go blank, staring off into nothingness. Sebastian can’t ever predict when they’ll happen or for how long, he just does the best he can to make Richard comfortable. He guides his unresisting body to the nearest chair and eases him down into it, talking to him quietly, repeating his name, and keeping physical contact as if trying to be an anchor to pull him back into the real world. The absences last anywhere from three to twenty minutes, but at least two have lasted for nearly an hour. When he comes out of it, it’s like he’s shaking off a daydream; his body shudders violently and he blinks rapidly before his eyes slide automatically to Sebastian’s and Richard gives him a smile that looks just wrong on Jim’s cruel face.  
  
“What happened?” he asks every time and Sebastian explains again. Richard doesn’t ever remember anything happening; he says it’s like blinking and suddenly being somewhere else. Sebastian eventually has to ban him from using certain appliances unsupervised after Richard suffers an episode while trying to cook Sebastian breakfast and nearly sets the flat on fire.  
  
It’s jarring to see him so lost and confused. He has such a childlike innocence but he is very much still an adult. He moves and acts like an adult; he can hold a normal conversation with Sebastian about his day, or the books he’s read, what’s been on the telly, or the annoying cat who sits on the window ledge in the kitchen and yowls. (Richard mentions wanting to shoot the cat with a nail gun and, for a split second, Sebastian can see Jim again.) He is less like a child and more like a wanderer who gets easily lost in a world he can’t remember or understand.  
  
[*]  
  
Richard learns quickly that having Sebastian around equates to being protected. He doesn’t leave the flat alone anymore, not since the first time he tried to go down to the shops alone and was attacked on the way. The man had shoved a knife into his side and would have gone for his neck next if Sebastian hadn’t miraculously appeared to save him. He knows that he used to be someone important but Sebastian won’t tell him anything, just reassures Richard that he will keep him safe. He isn’t just physical protection either. Richard knows that Sebastian will be there when he gets lost in his own head or when he can’t remember how buttons work.  
  
It shouldn’t come as such a surprise to Sebastian when he wakes up one morning to find Richard curled up in a tight ball on the opposite side of his bed, fast asleep. Sebastian considers waking him up and making him go back to his own room, but he’s heard the shouts of fear coming from Richard’s room when he’s supposed to be sleeping and seen the heavy bags under his eyes in the morning. He sighs in defeat and lets him stay.  
  
Neither of them says anything about it and Richard keeps coming every time that he has another nightmare. Eventually, without a word, he starts going right for Sebastian’s bed as soon as he’s tired, skipping his own entirely. Sebastian knows that he should put a stop to it and make Richard get out of his bed, but there’s a part of him that likes waking up in the morning with Richard squished against his back, radiating heat like a small sun, and that part wins most of the arguments, so Richard stays.  
  
It doesn’t become a problem until he wakes up to find Richard staring at him, apparently having been watching him sleep. He grunts in annoyance, blaming the staring for waking him up, “What do you want?”  
  
“Did you love me?”  
  
Sebastian’s brain ins immediately catapulted into consciousness and his eyes snap open, “ _What_?”  
  
“Before. When I wasn’t…broken. Did you love me?”  
  
He stares at Richard for a long time, inspecting the lines of his face, paranoia hissing in his ear that Jim is back and playing more mind games with him, “Why would you think that?”  
  
Richard tugs the blankets up tighter around his shoulders and drops his eyes, unable to keep contact with Sebastian, “You saved me. When I was in the hospital. The nurses said I didn’t have any family or any emergency contacts to call. They said I was going to stay there because there was nowhere else to go. And then you showed up and you took me out of that awful place. I would have died there, Sebastian. Alone and scared, just like all the other people who are stuck there.” He lifts his chin fractionally, trying to force himself to meet Sebastian’s eyes, “You’re always saving me. From people, from the darkness in my head, from the stupid shit I do because I don’t know better.” He scowls darkly, his frustration with his own inabilities clear on his face.  
  
“I was your bodyguard. It’s my job to protect you.”  
  
“Nobody is paying you anymore. And your face, you..”  
  
“What?” Sebastian growls irritably.  
  
“Sometimes, when you look at me. It’s like you miss me, but I’m still here. You miss who I used to be, don’t you? I just want to know…if you used to love me.”  
  
Sebastian sits up and throws the covers off, “Used to. But you’re not him anymore.” He shoves his body off the bed and storms out of the room, leaving Richard curled up on the bed, alone and confused.


	2. Chapter 2

He doesn’t let Richard sleep in his bed on a regular basis after that. He’ll still let him stay when he has nightmares but he curls himself to the far edge of the bed and shoves him away as soon as Richard scoots too close.   
  
The close proximity makes him nervous. The hairs on the back of his neck stand up and every muscle tenses. He doesn’t think he’s genuinely afraid of Richard; the nerves come from the thought that Jim might come back and know what he said. He doesn’t know if it’s anticipation or fear that makes his stomach twist into knots when he thinks that.   
  
Richard knows that he’s upset Sebastian and distances himself from the topic. He chatters on about the calculus textbook that Sebastian bought him that he is trying to work through, and about other meaningless things, including a request for a nail gun, which is promptly denied because Sebastian doesn’t want to clean up Swiss cheese cat. All topics concerning anyone having feelings for anyone are skirted around and avoided with all the subtlety of a vest made of semtex.   
  
Sebastian can see Richard on the verge of saying something that he shouldn’t every time that Sebastian goes out or comes back from a job. Even without Jim running the show, there’s still work to be taken care of, long term projects to be wrapped up. Everything is going to fall to pieces without Jim there to manipulate the threads just so, but Sebastian is going his best to make it a slow crumble instead of an avalanche.   
  
Richard only manages to hold his tongue for so long; he’s too impatient and too stubborn to keep his opinions to himself for very long and Sebastian knows that for a fact. It doesn’t matter how dependent he is on Sebastian, if he thinks the show on the telly is crap then he’ll say so and steal the remote. He’s even bold enough to tell Sebastian that he’s in desperate need of a haircut or that his ratty denims make him look like a homeless person.   
  
When Sebastian drags himself home one night with a gouge torn into his leg, Richard finally breaks down and says something. He is on his knees at Sebastian’s feet, helping him clean the wound when he comments quietly, “I don’t like it when you go out like this.”  
  
Sebastian grits his teeth as the antiseptic stings his legs and growls out, “It’s my job.”  
  
“I was your boss, wasn’t I? Stop going.”   
  
He sighs and scrubs his fingers through his hair, “it’s not that simple. There’s still work to be done.”   
  
“It…it worries me when you go out. I don’t like it.”  
  
“What does it matter if you like it or not?” Sebastian snaps, the combination of pain in his leg and the feeling that Richard is trying to shove Jim away making him irritable.   
  
Richard shocks him with a sudden outburst. He grabs the small med kid and hurls it across the bathroom, sending supplies scattering around, “Because what do I do if you’re gone?!” he demands and almost immediately shrinks back. He buries his hands in his hair and rocks back on his heels, “I’m lost enough with you here. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”   
  
Sebastian doesn’t know how to respond at first; he’s not good with other people’s emotions, “You keep going. Just like you’ve always done. Just like you’ll do after I die.” Just like you planned to after I finally botch a job, he doesn’t say.  
  
“I can’t do that anymore Sebastian, I _need_ you.” He pushes himself up and places both of his hands on Sebastian’s knees, bending to stare straight into his eyes, “I can’t do this without out you. I…” his eyes drop to Sebastian’s mouth and Sebastian automatically leans back.  
  
“Don’t.”  
  
“Sebastian…I know we used to be lovers-“  
  
“No we didn-“  
  
“ _Sebastian_. Please. I know you don’t think I’m him but I _am_. I can’t remember it but he, _I_ am still in here! I’m just stuck and I can’t find my way back out. I’m still the same person and I’m lost and you’re the only thing that makes sense anymore and I don’t want to lose you!” He pushes forward and presses his lips against Sebastian’s ; it’s clumsy and endearing and _wrong_. He’s never kissed Jim but he knows it would never be like this. There’s nothing soft or _sweet_ about Jim. When Sebastian doesn’t respond, Richard pulls back slightly, stroking his fingers across Sebastian’s cheek and breathing against his lips, “Please…Sebastian. I just… _please_.” his voice cracks and Sebastian is lost.  
  
He grabs Richard around the waist and pulls him in close, kisses him hard and desperate. Richard can barely keep up with him; he’s inexperienced because he’s never done this before, never touched or kissed anyone like this, but he picks up quickly and pushes back fervently. Richard pours everything that he has into the kiss, trying to show Sebastian as best he can how much he _matters_ and how _needed_ he is, while Sebastian clings to him and holds him tight, trying to figure out if it’s Jim or Richard that makes him think this could ever possibly be a good idea.  
  
He knows that he’s taking advantage of the damage done to Jim, but for the moment he can’t bring himself to care. This is something he’d never been able to get, never would have been able to get from Jim, and it’s hard to turn it down even when it’s so obviously different. Richard is sweet and nervous and submissive and trusting and malleable where Jim was rough and confident and dominating and sturdy. Richard has the potential to be everything that Sebastian wants in lover except…except that he is very distinctly not Jim. Jim is his everything, his whole world, the reason for getting out of bed in the mornings. Jim found him and saved him, gave him a job and a purpose and made him worth something again. Sebastian would have gladly worshiped at the man’s feet if he’d been allowed.   
  
But Jim is gone and Richard is _here_ , in his lap and writhing against him, likely completely unaware of the effect his body is creating, desperate for Sebastian to want him.  
  
And Sebastian has to wonder if he minds settling for second best.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

He puts it off for as long as he can, but when Sebastian finally takes Richard to his bed, it’s nothing like he expects. They’re lazy and relaxed, slowly peeling each other’s clothes off, kissing and licking each bit of skin as it appears. Richard’s movements are hesitant and timid at first but he grows bolder with each brush of his lips until he’s driving Sebastian mad with touches. Sebastian lips drag over sharp collarbones, his thumbs stroke too prominent hipbones and he murmurs into Richard’s skin that he needs to eat more.  
  
“Eating is boring,” Richard sighs and Sebastian bites him. When they get off together for the first time, it’s from nothing more than rubbing against each other. They’re both wound far too tight for anything more, Richard because of nerves and Sebastian because he’s wanted this for so long. It’s pure bliss when Richard lets out a quiet, almost surprised gasp and comes across their stomachs, arms tight around Sebastian’s neck and face pressed tightly to his neck. Sebastian follows not long after, with his nose buried in Richard’s hair and his hands splayed possessively across his back.   
  
They spend the rest of the evening twisted together, exploring with lips and tongues and fingers. It fascinates Sebastian to watch Richard’s face; he can actually see as he mentally catalogues Sebastian’s reactions, storing them for later use. He knows exactly which spots can make his breath hitch, which can make him laugh and pull away, which draw no reaction at all, and which can make Sebastian flip them over and kiss Richard breathless.  
  
Richard pushes him over onto his stomach and straddles his hips; he traces freckles and old scars across his back, asking how Sebastian got each one and making up stories for the ones he doesn’t remember. According to Richard, Sebastian’s had quite a few altercations with tigers. Richard’s fingers falter over one particular set of scars and he touches them carefully.  
  
“Are these my initials?”   
  
Sebastian grunts in agreement, “You carved them into my shoulder one day.”  
  
“Oh,” there’s a long pause, “Did you like that?”  
  
He can’t fight back the chuckle and nods against his pillow, “Yea, I did.”  
  
Richard’s nails scrape lightly over the scars and he notes how it makes Sebastian shudder, “Why? Was it some sort of possessive lover thing?”  
  
“You were _definitely_ being possessive,” He doesn’t tell Richard about how Jim carved them in a fit of rage when an enemy began actively trying to recruit Sebastian, nor does he tell him that he was literally biting a bullet to stop himself from coming in his trousers. It still makes his cock twitch to recall Jim’s fist in his hair, shoving him facedown onto the worktop and holding him in place while he cut through his shirt and into his skin, snarling threats into his ear about what would happen if Sebastian ever betrayed him. Jim was too paranoid to see that Sebastian was utterly his.  
  
He’s jolted back to reality when Richard’s lips brush over the raised skin, “Well that’s not anything that’s going to change.”  
  
[*]  
  
Though he tries to avoid doing it often, it’s near impossible for him not to compare Richard with Jim. Certain strands of Jim’s personality have stayed intact and they seamlessly integrate themselves in with Richard’s.   
  
His penchant for violence is one. The idea with the neighborhood cat and the nail gun comes to a head when it turns out that Jim knows how to use Sebastian’s credit card to shop online and Sebastian comes home one evening to find an incredibly elaborate booby trap rigged up, waiting for the beast to trigger it. Sebastian dismantles it, much to Richard’s dismay, and takes back his card, even though Richard likely has it all memorized.   
  
Richard hadn’t lied at all when he possessiveness was a trait he had kept. He frequently touches Sebastian, brief fleeting things, as if just checking to make sure that he’s there. He throws at least one limb over Sebastian’s lap any time they’re sitting together and when they go outside for any reason, Richard takes Sebastian’s hand in his and curls their fingers together. Sebastian won’t admit how much he enjoys that part; he’s always been affectionate with lovers, male or female, but even in his wildest fantasies about Jim, he’d never imagined _this_.   
  
On one evening, they go out for dinner and a film and the entire way through dinner, their waitress flirts outrageously with Sebastian, flipping her hair and giggling and coming back to the table with an extra button undone. He can see clearly on Richard’s face that he is imagining putting her into his nail gun death trap and when he tries to calm him down, Richard just hisses angrily under his breath, “I don’t care if she’s harmless, you’re _mine_.”  
  
The anger in his voice reminds Sebastian so strongly of Jim and the knife cutting into his back that they end up late for their show because Sebastian pulls Jim into an alley as soon as they leave the restaurant and has him up against the wall. He feels guilty for his motivation, but he at least manages to gasp out the right name this time. He’s tired of putting that hurt look on Richard’s face every time that he gets it wrong  
  
Richard has also steadily worked out how to manipulate people, Sebastian that is, into getting what he wants. He knows that if he places his hand high on Sebastian’s thigh and leans against his shoulder, he can convince him to hand over the remote so that they can watch something decent. He’s learned that he can persuade Sebastian to bring him breakfast in bed by snuggling up against his back, reaching around and lazily stroking him off while Sebastian is still half asleep. He has other ways of getting what he wants, walking logic puzzles around Sebastian’s brain, twisting Sebastian’s words so that he can’t tell if it was his idea or Richard’s to go out, or contorting his face into pitiful expressions that make Sebastian cave. He has plenty of strategies, but manipulating Sebastian with sex seems to be his favorite.   
  
Sebastian has a running suspicion that Richard has been using his laptop to watch porn because he’s done some things in bed that Sebastian _definitely_ didn’t teach him. Richard twists them into a variety of adventurous positions, several of which end with them in a crumpled heap in the sheets, trying not to laugh at the failed effort, and many of which make Sebastian come harder than he ever has before. He tries out a variety of toys as well, determining what pulls the greatest reactions from Sebastian. He plays with dildos and plugs, clamps, whips, and bindings (Sebastian _knew_ he had memorized the credit card number), both on himself and on Sebastian. When he learns that Sebastian reacts the strongest to Richard’s fingernails raking down his back, he tears him up with a malicious glee that makes it impossible not to think of Jim.   
  
Every single time that the thought surfaces, he forces it back down as hard as he can. He tells himself over and over that he has to learn to move on; Jim is gone for good and Richard is here to stay. Jim never wanted him and Richard is well on his way to loving him.   
  
[*]  
  
Sebastian returns home to the flat one day, carrying a small bouquet of flowers. It’s a silly and overly romantic gesture, but he thinks Richard will like them and they might help clear off the smell of burned pasta from the kitchen. (Even when supervised, Sebastian learns it’s best just to not let Richard cook for any reason). He pushes open the door of the flat and his heart leaps into his throat at what he sees.  
  
Richard is standing in front of the window overlooking the street below. His clothing is pristine and his hair is combed back in a far too familiar style that doesn’t match Richard’s usual chaotic mess. But it’s really the clothing more than anything else that strikes a combination of fear and longing into his heart.  
  
“Richard…why are you wearing that?”  
  
He jolts as if startled and glances down, running his palms down the lapels of the suit. He shakes his head and his voice is quiet, “I…I don’t know. I think I blacked out again. I wasn’t…I wasn’t wearing this earlier.” Richard begins to shake visibly, his hands trembling in fear, “I don’t know what’s going…what’s happening to me, Seb?”  
  
He drops the flowers and crosses the sitting room in three quick strides. He takes Richard’s face into his hands and kisses him, murmuring against his lips, “Nothing. Nothing is happening to you, you’re fine.”  
  
“I’m not fine, I’m _not_. I’ve never…I’m always the same after I black out, it’s just later. This is different, Seb! What’s wrong with me?” His voice cracks, filled with fear and confusion.  
  
“ _Nothing_ is wrong with you, Rich.” Sebastian pulls him in to a tight embrace, tucking Richard’s head under his chin. One arms winds tight around his waist while the other strokes his hair soothingly. “You’re going to be fine, Rich. I promise. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you.”  
  
Sebastian honestly doesn’t know if it’s fear or anticipation that makes his organs twist at the thought that Jim might be coming back.


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian has nightmares that night. In his head, Jim comes back from the dead, jaw hanging loose from his skull, pieces of his skull crumbing away from the back of his head, hissing and splitting blood at Sebastian in wordless snarls.   
  
He jerks awake hard enough to disturb Richard next to him, who mumbles and blinks up at him blearily, “Alright?”  
  
Sebastian looks anywhere but at his face, not wanting to see that image of Jim again, dead and angry, “Yea, babe. Fine, just a bad dream. Go back to sleep.”   
  
[*]  
  
As much as they’d both like to pretend everything is fine, Richard keeps ending up in situations that he doesn’t remember putting himself in. He’s yet to have one of the walking blackouts while Sebastian is around and it makes Sebastian afraid to leave him alone.  
  
He’s already come home once to find their bathroom mirrored shattered and Richard clumsily trying to pick glass out of his knuckles with a pair of tweezers. He points to the mirror and asks, “….did you…”  
  
Richard shakes his head and drops his eyes back to his injured hand. Sebastian takes his hand to carefully pull out the remains of the glass and bandages him up without a word. He doesn’t let Richard out of his sight for the rest of the day and holds him tight against his chest while he sniffles and asks what else could possibly be wrong with his head.  
  
The most terrifying incident comes while Sebastian is out on a job. His mobile buzzes and it’s Richard, sobbing hysterically into the phone. He’s somehow ended up on top of St. Bart’s hospital and almost tumbled off when he came to. He’s confused and scared and begging for Sebastian to come find him.   
  
Sebastian abandons his target and runs across town as fast as he can; he doesn’t have the time to get a cab and no less than three cars nearly hit him when he dashes across roads. He finds Richard curled in the fetal position on the roof in almost the exact same spot that Jim had ended himself, judging by the dark stain beneath him. He pulls Richard up and clings to him, rocking him back and forth, whispering soothing words and endearments, trying to calm his hysterics.   
  
After that, Sebastian stops going on jobs.  
  
[*]  
  
Sebastian’s presence seems to keep the walking blackouts at bay but he doesn’t know how much good that really is. He can’t stay at Richard’s side every moment for their rest of their lives, much as he’d like to. He stares out the window of their flat, pondering the question while Richard potters around somewhere behind him, presumably working on his newest trap for the window-cat, even though he knows that Sebastian will just dismantle it before it ever sees action.  
  
He sips slowly at his tea and watches the people out on the street slowly wander along, content with their boring lives. In the glass, he can vaguely see the shape of Richard slinking up behind him and he grins to himself, wondering what game he’s going to try now. He’s made a habit of tackling Sebastian at random times throughout the day and shagging him on the nearest surface.   
  
He doesn’t expect the click of a gun’s hammer being pulled back. The cool metal of the gun’s barrel presses against his neck and the voice behind him practically purrs, “Get on your knees.” The voice is too low, too smooth, too him to be Richard. His head jerks sharply to one side, trying to glance over his shoulder.  
  
“Jim.”  
  
The gun presses harder against his neck and Jim’s voice is rough snarl,   
  
“On your fucking knees, Moran.”  
  
He drops his teacup and lowers himself to the floor, years of training whispering from the back of his mind that last name basis meant following Jim’s orders without question unless he wanted to suffer. A hand twisted in his hair and yanked his head back forcefully while the gun slid around to press against the underside of his chin. Jim’s mouth is suddenly at his ear, warm breath sliding across his cheek in short pants and he growls, “What the fuck did you think that you were doing?”  
  
“Nothing, sir.” Sebastian replies, if only because he doesn’t know what in particular Jim is referring to. It’s been roughly two and a half years since the accident and he could be talking about any number of things before or since then.  
  
“If you _ever_ ,” he jams the gun harder against Sebastian’s chin and his grip tightens, “lay your _disgusting_ hands on me again, I’ll cut your fingers off one by one and feed them to you, do you understand me?”   
  
Sebastian lets his eyes fall closed and he nods stiffly. Richard is gone now and so is everything he’s had for the past few months. The gun pulls away from his chin and the hand in his hair shoves him forward painfully hard. Sebastian’s head slams against the window sill and everything goes black.   
  
[*]  
  
He comes to with the feeling of something cool and stinging being dabbed against his forehead. He groans and scrunches his face, trying to pull away from it, annoyed. His eyes open slowly and Jim is looking down at him, cotton ball covered in some sort of anti-septic held in his hand. He flinches away from his touch; he doesn’t want Jim’s pity.  
  
“Seb? Seb, what happened?” This voice is the one he’s grown used to hearing, softer, slight higher-pitched, and more confused. _Richard._ “I was in the bedroom. I came out and you were on the ground. How are you feeling?”  
  
Sebastian lifts his head and the room shifts painfully, like his brain has come loose and is sliding around in his skull. He lays his head back down and sighs, “Head hurts. M’fine. Just…just tripped, must have hit my head on the way down.” He doesn’t want to scare Richard anymore than necessary, not when he’s already terrified enough for the both of them.   
  
He’s been waiting for years for Jim to come back, but he hadn’t considered that it would mean the total and complete loss of Richard’s personality. Months ago, he’d have taken Jim over Richard without a moment’s hesitation and now he finds himself torn between the psychopath that he’s loved for years or the damaged man that he might be falling in love with.


	5. Chapter 5

Every nerve is set on edge after that. Sebastian can’t help the twist of fear in his gut every time Richard growls in annoyance at something or making a biting comment at the telly. It’s been nearly two weeks since Jim’s appearance and since then, there have been no more blackouts. He tried to back off, to make Richard sleep in his own bed again after Jim’s threat, but he can’t make himself commit to it.   
  
One bat of those stupidly girly eyelashes and Richard is back in his now customary place spread obnoxiously over Sebastian’s chest. He strokes his fingers of Richard’s back while the smaller man snores peacefully and thinks to himself that this is the part that scares him the most. He can deal with Jim’s threats and with the punishment, if he’s honest he’d enjoy the punishment, but it terrifies him to think about sleeping alone at night again. The ban of being able to watch but never touch would be worse than any physical torture that Jim could dole out. He’d miss the sheer physical presence of Richard and the way he can’t seem to keep his hands to himself.   
  
When he wakes Sebastian up in the middle of the night with his shifting around, Richard pounces on him and kisses him hard, teeth dragging over Sebastian’s lower lip and pulling sleepy but pleased noises from him. He grins and whispers against Sebastian’s lips, “Sorry for waking you. Just running to the bathroom. Go back to sleep.” He gives him another light peck before slipping away and Sebastian presses his face into Richard’s pillow, drifting back off to sleep, wrapped up in the smell of him.   
  
[*]  
  
In the morning, Sebastian wakes up to the sound of the front door opening and it pulls him roughly in consciousness. Richard’s side of the bed is cold and he panics, afraid that Jim is back and heading out into the city. He untangles himself and bolts from the bedroom, sprinting through the sitting room and to the door. He’s surprised to find him –he doesn’t know if it’s Richard or Jim- sitting with his back against the door. He hazards a guess based on the slumped posture, knees pulled up to his chest and forehead resting on them, that it’s Richard, “…Rich? What are you…”  
  
He lifts his head and the expression of regret on his face immediately confirms that it’s him, “Seb….Seb, I’m sorry.” Sebastian drops to his knees and places a hand on Richard’s shaking arm, eyes flickering over him, trying to figure out what Richard has done that he needs to apologize for. He isn’t crying or visibly frightened but he’s obviously disturbed.  
  
“Rich, what are you sorry fo-“ Sebastian’s fingers touch Richard’s face and turn him slightly to one side. Richard turns obediently, eyes closing and letting out a small sigh, “Rich…what’s this?”  
  
The bite marks along his neck are dark and fresh, not Sebastian’s work. The bruises dip down below the collar of his shirt and a slight tug reveals that they extend over his chest. Sebastian’s hands make a quick stock of Richard and find a smattering of bite and claw marks across his chest and hand shaped bruises that dip below the waistband of his trousers. Richard’s eyes stay closed throughout Sebastian’s inspection and he doesn’t resist the rough tugging at his clothes throughout it.   
  
“Rich…what did you…why are…” Sebastian can’t even bring himself to make a complete sentence, not when the markings are glaring at him so fiercely.  
Richard opens his eyes but doesn’t turn to look at Sebastian, “Dunno. Woke up in someone else’s flat like this.”   
  
Sebastian’s fingers turn Richard’s face towards his, trying to meet his eyes, “Did you go out? Did someone drug you?” He can’t see why this would be the outcome of Jim making a brief return. He’s never shown any sexual interest in anyone to Sebastian’s knowledge. He just wants to find out who did this to Richard and make them pay.  
  
His mouth opens, trying to say something, but fails entirely. Richard still won’t look Sebastian in the face and instead silently lifts his arm, tugging the sleeve back to bare the skin. Sketched into his arm in thin, jagged lines,   
  
_I’m not fucking yours. –JM_


	6. Chapter 6

It doesn’t take long to bandage up Richard’s arm. The cuts are shallow and more than likely won’t scar; Jim’s intent was to send a message, but not to permanently mark himself. Neither of them speaks while Sebastian works. He tucks off the end of the bandage and touches the back of Richard’s hand.  
  
"Was it you that got out of bed last night?”  
  
“The last thing that I remember was going to bed with you,” Richard’s response gives Sebastian a thrill that he hates himself for. Jim was in control when he left the flat and that meant Jim was the one who’d kissed him. He’s flooded with a combination of guilt and satisfaction at having finally had a chance to kiss the _real_ Jim. He pushes it away and forces his attention back to Richard.  
  
“You okay?”  
  
Richard flexes his arm, testing that the bandage is snug, “I can feel him…in the back of my head, like he’s clawing to get out. He’s…” Richard pulls his arm tight against his chest and swallows thickly, “He’s going to destroy me, Sebastian, I know it.” He pushes forward from his perch on the edge of the bathtub and tucks himself against Sebastian’s chest, face pressed tightly to his neck, lips moving against his skin, “I am, you know.”  
  
Sebastian holds him tightly, rocking them back and forth, “You are what?”  
  
“Yours. I don’t care what he says or what he uses to say it, I _am_ yours. Just as I’ve always been.” He shifts his position to look up at Sebastian, worry written across his face, “I don’t understand why he’s doing this. Why he… he lifts his arm and gestures vaguely, “If you two were lovers before,” Richard misses the stiffening to Sebastian’s spine, “then why did he say…is he jealous? Of me? Did he means that I’m not yours because you’re with him? But why would he… _we’re the same person_. He’s just me with more memories, I just don’t-“  
  
“We weren’t lovers, Rich.”  
  
“I…what?” Richard pulls back from Sebastian’s chest and watches his face, eyes flicking across it looking for any signs of an explanation.  
  
“Before. When you…Jim and I weren’t lovers. He didn’t want anything to do with me that didn’t involve me shooting someone.”  
  
“But you…you said that-“  
  
“I said that I was in love with him. I never said he felt the same way,” Sebastian’s voice is low and flat. He’d never intended to tell Richard that the kiss in the bathroom had been the first for both of them.  
  
Richard pulls away from Sebastian entirely, confusion and hurt written on his face, “You…but you _let_ me think that we were.”  
  
“I tried to correct you-“  
  
“Not very hard apparently!”  
  
“You cut me off and kissed me and, _fuck_ , Richard, I just…I wanted you so badly and I have for so long and you finally wanted _me_!” He tries to pull Richard back to him, wanting to hold him and stroke his back and make that expression leave.  
  
Richard thrashes when Sebastian’s hands touch him and he backs away, refusing to let Sebastian come into contact with him, “I wanted you because I thought I was supposed to! I thought being with you could fix me!” He doubles over, hands fisted tightly in his hair and visibly trembling.  
  
“Sweetheart-“  
  
“ _Don’t!_ Call me that.” Richard snaps and pulls back further.  
  
Sebastian growls and surges forward, disregarding Richard’s attempt to shove him away. He twists them and pins Richard against the wall, one hand on each shoulder and with his knees shoved between Richard’s legs,  
"Look at me. Look at me right now and tell me that you don’t want me. Tell me that you haven’t wanted me for the past months, that you haven’t willingly crawled into bed with _me_ every night. Tell me that you don’t love me.” His teeth are bared angrily every dark emotion that he’s been pushing down since everything started boiling to the surface and spilling over.  
  
“I don’t…I don’t know,” Richard squirms against Sebastian’s grip but it doesn’t lessen, “Everything that I know about you, everything that I may or may not have loved has been based on a fucking _lie_ , Sebastian!”  
  
“It’s been based on the fact that I love you and tried to keep you safe! You were going mad and you asked, you _begged_ for me to be your lover, just so you could hold on to something. ‘Please,’ you said, ‘I need you,’” Sebastian’s voice is ragged and is fighting back tears or anger and frustration and fear and everything else, “So I’m saying the same. Please. I need you. I need you to say that you’re still mine.”  
  
Richard eyes drop down and to the side, watching the floor behind Sebastian, “I…please just…I want to be alone. Please. Lock me in here if you have to just…”  
  
“No. No, I won’t Richard, not until you answer me.”  
  
Richard’s voice is flat, almost dead-like and it fills Sebastian’s stomach with ice cold fear, “He hates you,” His gaze lifts from the floor and he stares at Sebastian with a blank expression, “I thought he was just angry about the memory loss. When I can feel him, feel his nails digging into my skin and pulling me back down with him, I can feel hatred, more than I’d have ever imagined possible. But it’s you. He doesn’t hate himself or me or whatever for being broken, he hates _you_. “  
  
“Stop it. _Stop it_ , Richard.”  
  
“Let me go, Sebastian,” There’s something in his voice that makes Sebastian unclench his fists and step away. Richard slumps heavily against the wall, fingers spread wide against it, trying to keep himself upright, “Can you just…just go away. Please.”  
  
Sebastian’s fingers ball into fists and he has the nearly overwhelming desire to punch something. He reins it in and twists sharply on the heel of his boots and marches out of the bathroom, slamming the door hard enough to rattle the walls.  
  
Richard only lasts a moment before his knees buckles under him and he drops to the ground with a sob.


	7. Chapter 7

Sebastian stays away from the bathroom for as long as he can, spending most of the time prowling up and down the hallway like an animal trapped in a cage. He wants to scream and punch something or shoot someone, no, kill them with his bare hands. Anything to take the edge off of his nerves and his temper.   
  
He finally can’t stand it any longer and raps his knuckles against the door, “Rich?”  
  
There’s no reply except for the quiet slosh of water. He’d heard Rich running the bath earlier and had been on the verge of breaking the door down just in case he was going to try something stupid. He’d managed to control himself and settled for listening carefully for the sounds of movement every few minutes. A moving Rich was a still alive and still present Rich.   
  
It only takes a sharp twist of the door knob for Sebastian to break the lock on it; the thing is old and fragile. He toes the door open and his brow knits on confusion at the sight inside. Richard is reclining in the bathtub, a lit cigarette dangling from his mouth, and, oddly, still fully clothed.   
  
“You don’t smoke,” it’s really not the first thing on his mind, but it tumbles out before he can stop himself.   
  
Dark eyes glances his eyes and he pulls the cigarette from his mouth and lets a plume of smoke snake out from between his lips, “Richard doesn’t smoke. Richard isn’t here right now. He had to go away,” the corner of Jim’s lip curls upward, “You’ve upset him terribly.”  
  
Sebastian doesn’t rise to the bait; he just closes the door again and leans against the back of it, watching Jim lounge in the water, “So what was the point of that?”  
  
“Hmm?”  
  
“The bite marks, the bruises, the message, the going out and fucking some stranger, leaving your body in some man’s bed for Richard to wake up in, not knowing where he is or being able to defend himself if he needs to,” Sebastian snaps. His mind keeps running scenarios of the other man waking up before Richard and forcing him into something that he didn’t want.  
  
“Are you jealous?” Jim’s grin is like a shark, cut too wide and too many teeth.  
  
“Jealou- I was fucking worried! He doesn't have your experience, Jim! He doesn’t know how to break someone’s neck or find pressure points to make someone bigger than him beg for mercy. He’s practically fucking defenseless!”   
  
“Oh you’re _worried_ now, are you?” Jim roll his eyes dramatically.  
Sebastian curls his fingers into a fist to check his temper, fingernails biting into his palm, “I’m always worried about you. That’s what I fucking _do_. It’s why you’re here now. Because I was _worried_ that you’d rot in that damn hospital with all the other lunatics.”  
  
Jim stubs out his cigarette on the lip of the tub and tilts his head back, eyes closed, “Right, right, silly of me. Here I thought you only got me out of thee so that you could fuck me against my will.”  
  
“It was _not_ against you-“  
  
“I didn’t have the fucking mental capacity to say no!” Jim snarls, pushing himself up and out of the water, “I was a fucking invalid and you, _you_ took advantage of that. You let m- _him_ think that there was something already between you and that is the _only_ reason that he wanted you. He was weak and lost and I am _not_.” He steps out of the bath, sloshing water over the side, but he pays no attention to it, “I don’t. Want. You. I never have. And I never fucking will. Is that clear?” His teeth are bared in a vicious snarl, and somehow, the fact that he’s completely soaked to the skin makes him even more menacing than usual.  
  
It takes him a moment to stiffen his spine and step up into Jim’s personal space, tilting his head down to glare at the man, “Never? Even though you did? You can claim he’s a different person, but Richard is still. You. He’s you with all the extras stripped away, without the years of your hellish life building up like walls around him. And you can’t deny that he does care about, if not _love_ me.”  
  
Jim doesn’t take his physical presence as a threat, not that Sebastian really expected him to. He just tilts his head back and draws himself up before snapping, “He’s the foolish part of me that didn’t know any better. I do. Loving you is a weakness that I would _never_ give myself.”   
  
“You admit that you could, then. None of this bullshit about not being able to love.” He’d heard Jim say it before. Many times, when victims begged for their lives to be saved, claiming they had children, or partners or other loved ones and please, didn’t Jim know what it was like to love someone? Jim would smile that shark-toothed grin and reply that, no, he didn’t, he didn’t know how and then he’d have Sebastian put a bullet through their head.  
  
He snorts and pushes past Sebastian, “Of course I could, but who would want to? It’s just another weakness, another soft spot to aim for. I told Holmes, you heard me, no one ever gets to me. Because I don’t give them a way. I _don’t_ have weaknesses. I have to rebuild the empire that you let fall and there’s no place for it there.”  
  
Sebastian turns only halfway, watching Jim step out of the bathroom door, “What of me then? We both know that you, because Richard is _you_ , love me.”  
  
He halts in the doorway and doesn’t look back, “Then there’s no place for you.”   
  
Sebastian twists his head from one side to the other, cracking his neck before replying, “Fine.” He exits the bathroom swiftly, knocking Jim out of the way with one shoulder. He can feel Jim’s eyes burning against his back as he makes his way to the bedroom but he doesn’t falter. From under the mattress where he keeps it every night, Sebastian retrieves his pistol and marches back to the hall with it. Jim is still standing in the hall, dripping onto the carpet. He grabs his boss’s arm none too gently and drags him into the living room. There’s a visible thread of concern on Jim’s face; he knows that Sebastian with a gun is dangerous, but it turns quickly to mild confusion when Sebastian presses it into his hand.   
  
“What do you think that you’re…” Jim trails off when Sebastian drops to his knees in front of him and neatly folds his hands behind his head.  
  
“There’s no room for me, is there? Then you’ll have to do away with me. I’ve worked for you long enough to know what that means. There’s no unemployment or retirement from your rule, only death. Either in the line of duty or in execution.” He adjusts his posture, eyes still locked on Jim’s face, “I know execution is supposed to be the back of the head, but I’m more of a face-my-problems sort of bloke.”  
  
Jim just watches him silently, gun held loosely in his hand.   
  
“What are you waiting for, Jim? Execute me. Do away with me entirely. You don’t give a fuck what happens to me and as long as Richard does then I’m a weakness to you.” His face twists into an ugly snarl, contorted with rage, “ _Fucking do it!_ ”  
  
There’s a sharp click of the hammer being drawn back and the metal of the barrel is pressed against his forehead. Sebastian sucks in a sharp breath and holds it, not daring to even breathe.


	8. Chapter 8

The gun digs into the skin of his forehead, cold and biting.  
  
“Why are you doing this?”  
  
“Because I love you. I’m not going to stop and I’m not going to go away. You can’t make me. I’d rather die by your hand than walk away.”  
  
Jim drops down to his knees in front of Sebastian and twists his fingers in Sebastian’s hair, pulling him closer and hissing into his face, “ _This_ is exactly what I mean. You let your emotions rule your decision making and you make. Stupid. Choices. “  
  
“Stupid choices like firing a blank into your mouth?”  
  
Jim lets out an animalistic screech of rage and slams the butt of the pistol into Sebastian’s temple, knocking his sideways to sprawl on the floor. Sebastian lies limply for a moment, trying to regain his bearing and bring the world right side up again. He doesn’t twist to look at Jim when he speaks, “We all do stupid shit, Jim. That’s just human nature to fuck up and make mistakes,” he touches the side of his head gingerly and winces when he feels the forming knot. He twists on the floor and doesn’t bother getting up, “Loving you keeps me loyal to you. It means I’d kill anyone who tried to lay a hand on you; I’d die before I let someone else touch you.”  
  
“It means you’d give up valuable information if my life was in danger,” Jim snaps. He rises to his feet and prowls around the room, passing the gun from one hand to the other, “And the opposite. If I were to let myself love you, you’d become a bargaining chip. Anyone who knew could capture you and use your safety to demand anything they want from me. And they’d fucking get it.”  
  
Sebastian snorts, “No, they wouldn’t.” Jim’s prowling pause and he glances to Sebastian out of the corner of his eye, “I’m not stupid-“  
  
“Yes, you are.”  
  
“Comparatively speaking, maybe. But not in general. I’m not stupid enough to think that, even if you did love me, that I would ever come before work, “ Jim twists his head from side to side and doesn’t reply, “Just like I know you’d expect me to put work before saving you. You think I didn’t want to blow Holmes’s brains out the second he pulled a gun on you last year? Of course I did, but you’d have been pissed that I ruined your game. I _know_ how to control myself, Jim.”  
  
He rolls himself onto his knees and crawls slowly closer to Jim, “I’ve loved you for years and it has _never_ affected my ability to serve you. Don’t make me go. Let me stay.”  
  
Jim watches him crawl until he’s kneeling at Jim’s feet, looking up at him, pleading, “You don’t even have to be my lover. Be my master, let me be your pet,” Sebastian presses his forehead against Jim’s leg, head bowed, “Do whatever you like to me, just don’t make me leave you.”  
  
His lip curls up in a sneer and he twitches his leg, forcing Sebastian to pull back, “And why should I alter my life to suit what _you_ want?”  
  
“Is it that much of an alteration? Even before…this, I lived in your flat. I made sure you ate and slept and didn’t accidentally kill yourself by pushing your limits. I am your body guard and your personal assistant and your punching bag. The only thing that I am asking you to change is to let me sleep next to you, let me touch you, hold you, love you. In private only, I’d never ask you to even acknowledge any sort of relationship other than as boss and employee,” Sebastian keeps his head bowed, pushing forward the idea of total submissiveness to Jim. He can’t stop himself from adding on to the end, however, “Also, sex. I’d let you use me in any way you like, entirely at your disposal.”  
  
“What if I didn’t want that? If I said I didn’t like having sex with you?”  
  
The corner of Sebastian’s mouth curls in a smirk but he doesn’t look up,  
“I’d suspect that you were lying, as I’ve heard the sounds you make when you’re in bed with me when you’ve no reason to lie. But if you insist that you don’t, I’d accept that and be content to stay at your side regardless.”  
  
“You’re an idiot, Moran.”  
  
“Likely, sir. But I am _your_ idiot.”  
  
The gun lifts to nudge at Sebastian’s head again, “You’re pushing it.”  
  
“I know your limits, probably better than you do, Jim. I also know that you’re still not better. How long can you hold out before Richard comes back? And how long will it take until one of you permanently takes over? What if you never do? What if you think you’re healthy again and halfway through a meeting you black out and suddenly you’re Richard again?” Sebastian lifts his eyes to finally meet Jim’s gaze again, “You need me. Are you going to trust anyone else to not snap your scrawny little neck as soon as you’re defenseless? I can take care of Richard when he comes back, but can anyone else?”  
  
“You aren’t very good at being a pet, Sebastian,” Jim taps his temple with the gun, “Not with all those little insults you keep slipping in.”  
  
“You’d grow bored of me too quickly if I didn’t.”  
  
Jim tilts his head from one side to the other in a motion that may or may not be agreement, “You do drive a fair point, though. He does pose a security risk for me,” He cuts of Sebastian before he can do more than open his mouth, “Don’t get excited, I haven’t said that I want you around, only acknowledged your point.”  
  
He circles around behind Sebastian, dragging the gun down across his face and trailing it around to the back of his head, “You have a point about the ways in which you are useful to me, but I still see no reason to have you as a lover. Right now, I’m more inclined to allow you to stay but chain you up like dog in your own room to make sure you keep your hands to yourself. I can accept the fact that you give are incapable of resisting your animalistic tendencies and that you… _love_ me,” the note of disgust is clear in his voice, “but I won’t accept the idea of _me_ loving _you_.”  
  
“Richa-“  
  
Jim’s foot connects solidly with Sebastian back and kicks him flat on the floor, “ _Stop_ with the fucking _Richard_! You’ve already said he’s me with all the extra parts stripped away, without my life. Well, guess what, Sebastian? I _do_ have all those pieces and I _don’t_ want to feel this way about you!”  
  
Sebastian catches himself on his forearms and rolls over onto his back, still watching Jim’s face, twisted in anger, “But you’re not denying that you do have feelings for me.” Jim’s response is a shriek of rage and he hurls the gun across the room. Sebastian follows it with him eyes, humming quietly, “That’s not how you use a gun, boss. I taught you better than that.”  
  
There’s only a split second before Sebastian has a lapful of angry, wet Irishman, screeching and swinging for his face. Sebastian knows the way Jim fights too well and easily fends him off, grabbing his wrists with one hand and flipping them over to pin Jim underneath him.  
  
“I _hate_ you,” he growls, baring his teeth at Sebastian.  
  
“You want me.”  
  
“I want you dead.”  
  
“You could have pulled the trigger earlier,” Sebastian shifts Jim’s hands so that they’re pinned above his head and away from anything Jim could grab at, “You intentionally threw away the only weapon you had that could do damage and came at me in a fight you _knew_ that you would lose,” Sebastian’s grin matches Jim’s usual shark toothed one as he continues, “You just don’t want to admit that you want me.”  
  
Jim bucks underneath him, trying to free his hands, still snarling, “Are you Sherlock Holmes now? Going to deduce me?” When Sebastian’s face gets too close, Jim’s teeth snap, trying to sink into skin.  
  
“Don’t need to when I already know the truth,”  
  
“ _Get off of me_.”  
  
“I don’t think I will, Jim. Not until you admit it.”  
  
“As soon as I’m free, I am going to peel off your skin and wear you like a suit, you moronic imbecile!”  
  
“That’s sounds like an incredibly Freudian way of saying you just want to be inside of me.”  
  
Jim thrashes, using every ounce of strength to try and dislodge Sebastian, to absolutely no avail, “Fine, _fine!,_ I want you! Are you fucking happy?! I want you in my bed, I want to fuck you and make you scream until you’re hoarse! I want to slaughter anyone who so much as looks at you or even dares to touch you. I want to go to sleep next to you and wake up next to you but I don’t want to want you, you miserable _fuck_! Now, _let. Me. Up!_ ”  
  
Sebastian releases him almost immediately, not having expected the sudden tirade. He isn’t sure what he’d expected but that wasn’t it. Jim shoves his aside hard and Sebastian doesn’t resist at all. Between clenched teeth, he growls out at Sebastian, “Are you fucking happy now?”  
  
He’s silent for a moment before saying decisively, “Yes,” and he pounces on Jim, shoving him back to the ground and covering his mouth in a bruising kiss. Jim doesn’t it take it submissively, every shift of Sebastian’s lips is met with teeth, digging into his lips, pulling and biting and piercing his skin. He’s bleeding into Jim’s mouth when he snarls against his lips, “I don’t care if want to or not, as long as you want _me_ , I’m not going anywhere.”  
  
Jim’s fingers dig into his hair, twisting and yanking hard, “I’m going to murder you in your sleep so that I don’t have to put up with you anymore.”  
  
“I’ll just have to pin you down while we’re sleeping, then, pretend it’s cuddling” Sebastian chuckles breathlessly and doesn’t give an inch; he pushes back just as hard, not letting Jim get the upper hand.  
  
“I’m going to tear you apart and rebuild you the way that I want you,” Jim’s hands are under the back of his shirt, scratching hard lines down his back, leaving Sebastian gasping against his mouth.  
  
“You’ve already done that once, but do whatever you like, I won’t leave.”  
  
“You’re even stupider than I thought if you think I’m letting anyone else have you.”“Is that a promise?”  
  
“It’s a threat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this part!
> 
> Hope everyone enjoyed it!


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